Yo Mama!
by strawhat-alchemist
Summary: A bunch of Yo mama fights between shugo chara characters! Originally started out as an amuto oneshot! Only 1st chapter is amuto if there are any other pairings I'll put it at the top of the stories
1. Ikuto vs Tadase!

Zakuro: My second fic uploaded today!

Ikuto: And we care because?

Zakuro: It's an amuto!

Ikuto: Oh then carry on I'll do the disclaimer

DISCLAIMER STRAWHAT-ALCHEMIST DOESN'T OWN ROBOT CHICKEN SHUGO CHARA OR ANYTHING

Zakuro: If I did we would have enough amuto scenes to make fangirls die of happiness!! And an amuto ending too!

It was a regular day. Amu went to school and home but that's where things got weird…

"Mama I'm home!" Amu shouted while heading upstairs.

"Ah! Amu-chan a boy named Ikuto called saying to meet him at the park" Her mother said

'_Ugh what does he want? Oh well might as well go..'_ She thought "I'll be home in a while bye mom!" she yelled while running out the door and ignoring her father's whining about her leaving the nest too soon.

"Where is that idiot?!" Amu said impatiently. "He'd better not just have called me here to waste my time." She said to no one.

"Talking to yourself is a bad habit to get into _Amu_" Ikuto said.

"Ahh!" Amu shouted. Seeing as he had come out of no where and scared the living out of her. Ikuto burst into laughter.

Amu pouted. "If you just called me here to waste my time then I'm leaving." She said as she tried to walk away but Ikuto grabbed her wrist.

"No I called you here to…uhh" Ikuto said as if having trouble with his words

"To what?" She asked.

"Do you want to…go out...on a date..?" Ikuto said nervously.

"Your kidding right?" Amu said

"No I'm not…" Ikuto replied nervously. Amu could've sworn she saw him blush but it must've been the light.

"Okay" She said happily

'…_Your kidding me...she said yes?...Thank you Kami-sama I owe you one!'_ He thought.

"Alright I'll pick you up at 7:00 bye _Amu" _Ikuto said. He chara changed with Yoru and left.

'_Holy shite! Did I just hear right?! I'd better get ready'_ She thought

"Hinamori-san!" A familiar voice called.

"Tadase-kun!" She said. "What're you doing here?"

"I was looking for you to tell you that we have a guardian meeting at 7:00 tonight at Utau's concert well I've got to go bye" Tadase said.

'_Damn it...Well I've got to cancel one…but it probably took a lot of guts to ask me…but the tickets must've been expensive..'_ She thought

"Damn it!" She yelled. This caused people to turn around and stare at her.

**At 7:00**

'_Alright...better cancel the guardian meeting..' _she thought. She reached into her pocket for her cell phone. _'What the hell…I'm pretty sure I had it_..'Right as she was about to go down stairs Ikuto knocked on her balcony door. _'here all ready! Right on time.'_ She thought. She opened up the door. "You ready?" He asked. "Yeah let me just-"She was cut off by her mother who told her someone was at the door waiting for her. "Wait up" she told Ikuto. With that she left. He sat on her bed. _'This is seriously very nostalgic.'_ He thought. "T-tadase-kun!"

He heard Amu shout. _'Tadase...What's he doing here?'_

'_Damn it do all men arrive at the exact time they say?' _Amu thought. "What're you doing here?" "The guardian meeting I told you this afternoon, but last time I came I left something in your room I'll go get it" Tadase said.

"Uhh NO! I mean I'll go get it for you."

"I wouldn't want to bother you even more" he said while going up the stairs. When he opened up the door he saw Ikuto on her bed lying down casually.

"Tsukiyomi Ikuto!" he shouted.

"Yes that's my name I'm sure everyone has established that since you constantly shout my name every 2 seconds" Ikuto said annoyed. Can you blame him? I mean Tadase shouts his name to the world every time he see's the guy!

"What're you doing here?!"

"Nonya" (It sounds like none your if you pronounce it right)

"Nonya what?

"Nonya damn business"

"I'll make it my business"

"Trying to act tough? All talk and no action as usual."

"I'm sure your mom would disagree"

Ikuto sat up"What was that!?"

"I said your mama is so fat that when god said let there be light she told her to move!"

Just then the other guardians and Amu went in.

"What's going on?"

"YO MAMA FIGHT!" Kukai shouted out of no where

"We'll be the judges!" Yaya shouted.

"Okay the judges are: Kukai, Yaya, and of course the queen of comedy Rima!" Nagihiko announced.

"Okay your move Ikuto!" Kukai said.

**Ikuto: **Your mama is so stupid she thought jar-jar comes with pickles pickles!" (Star wars jokes from robot chicken)

The judges wrote down the score so far.

**Tadase: **Yo mama is so stupid she spent all day saying am not to R2

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so fat that Ben Kenobi said that's no moon…that's yo mama!

**Tadase: **Yo mama is so stupid she put a quarter in the parking meter and said where's my bubble gum?

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so stupid she went to Bangkok to get a tie fighter

**Tadase: **Yo mama is so fat Jabba the hut said DAMN!

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so stupid that when she opened a bag of skittles (DON'T OWN) she said where's the rainbow?

**Tadase: **Yo mama is so stupid she thinks a light saber has fewer calories!

**Ikuto: **that's the best you got? Yo mama is so fat that Naruto cant "Believe It!"!

**Judges: **The winner is Ikuto he burned you with the last joke

**Ikuto: **now if you don't mind me and Amu have things to take care of

**Guardians: **Bye! *inner thoughts* _'you can hear the wedding bells already…'_

**Amu: ** Hey Ikuto where'd you learn all those jokes?

**Ikuto:** I used my I-Touch to look up the first few jokes

**Amu:** Cheater...

**Ikuto: **Well I am the bad guy after all…Besides why do you think I'm free from Easter?

**Amu:** You're kidding me…

**Ikuto: **Nope let's go on that ride!

**Amu:** okay

**SOMEWHERE IN THE EASTER BUILDING**

**Ikuto's step-dad: **I can't believe he beat me at Yo mama jokes no fair!

Zakuro: Hope you enjoyed the story!

Please R&R!

**Mutant bunny army: **or else we'll come after you….


	2. HELP

I NEED YOU! TO TELL ME SOME YO MAMA JOKES!

Ikuto: WTF?

I'm gonna do a flash back you know the epic match of:

IKUTO VS. UGLY ASS STEPFATHER WE ALL HATE AND WE DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME!

Amu: Right….so yeah in review pm go to her youtube account

Zakuro: I AM Swordsmanofthedark on youtube!

Amu: and leave a yo mama joke

Ikuto: Leave more than one joke if you want!

Zakuro: I'll only pick a few! Also if it's on youtube tell me if you want me to put your youtube name or give me a fake name to use!

**THANKS!**


	3. Ikuto vs Kazoumi!

Zakuro: YO MAMA FIGHT

Ikuto: And because the author loves me I of course will win…Right?

Zakuro: How about win by default?

Ikuto: No. Hey you got to see me taking off my shirt in episode 77! I deserve this!

Zakuro: That was one of the greatest moments in shugo chara! History!

Ikuto: Good. Now on with the story.

DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT THIS CRAPPY KEY BOARD. ITS KEYS ARE VERY HARD!

Zakuro: I practically have to punch the keys!

Ikuto walked towards his step father's office. _'God it smells like cheese and 25 flavors of ass!'_ Ikuto thought.

"Good you came." Director Hoshina Kazoumi said. (Thanks to amuletamuto for telling me!)

He sat in his seat, his arms in front of him and his hands supporting his head. The blinds were closed and the room was dark.

"Do I really have a choice?" Ikuto said. _'God is he a wannabe Godfather or what?'_ Ikuto thought.

"I need you to make this girl disappear. She's been causing trouble for Easter." Kazoumi said.

Ikuto looked at the picture. _'Amu?'_ he thought. He slammed his fist on the desk "**Hell No!**" He said. He headed towards the door.

"You've got no choice. Now go to work **slave** of Easter." Kazoumi said.

'_Okay…I've been saving this plan but its time to put this into action!_' Ikuto thought.

"Slave? Don't confuse me for your mom. I look _**way**_ better." Ikuto said.

"What did you say?" Kazoumi said angrily.

Ikuto smirked _'Ha-ha! Thank the goddesses of Hyrule for stupid, ignorant, step fathers!'_ Ikuto thought. He wiped the smirk off his face and turned to him.

"I said Yo mama is so stupid she thought that when they said one size fits all she actually thought it would fit her too!" Ikuto said.

Kazoumi gritted his teeth. "Yo mama…" He was cut off by Ikuto.

"Yes my mama is **your **wife." He replied.

"Do I care? Yo mama is so stupid when she saw a school bus full of white kids (NO OFFENSE TO ANY WHITE PEOPLE INTENDED) she chased after it yelling 'Look! A giant Twinkie!'" Kazoumi said.

"Let's make this interesting." Ikuto said.

"What do you have in mind?" He said.

"If you win I'll obey your orders without question but if I win I'm free from Easter." Ikuto replied calmly.

"Fine! I'll get the judges!" Kazoumi said. He came back in with three scientists.

"Its time to D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D DUEL!" Ikuto and Kazoumi yelled.

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born they slapped her mom instead of her!

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so dumb that when she saw a sign that said 'Disneyland left' She turned back home!

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so fat that when she went to KFC and they asked her what bucket she wanted she said 'the one outside'!

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so hairy she's Harry Potter!

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so fat that when she sat on a dollar 4 quarters came out!

The judges wrote down scores and talked among themselves.

Ikuto looked at the time. _'Crap. Only a couple of more minutes until I have to meet Amu'_ he thought. _'I have to wrap this up!'_

He checked his I-Touch. _'Stupid…did he forget about my I-Touch and his wi-fi?' _He thought.

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so fat Bush thought she was a weapon of mass destruction!

**Ikuto:** Yo mama is so dumb she thought president Obama was a terrorist!

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so fat Ash Ketchum mistook her for a snorlax and tried to catch em' all!

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so ugly her husband takes her to work every day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye!

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks down the street in September people say 'I can't believe its Halloween already'

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so ugly that she put the boogie man out of business

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest they said 'No professionals'

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so ugly she turned medusa to stone!

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so old when asked her for her I.D she gave me a rock

**Ikuto: **Yo mama is so old that when Moses parted the red sea he found your mom fishing on the other side!

One of the judges stood up "There's only time for two more jokes!"

**Kazoumi: **Yo mama is so old that when she ran the 100 meter dash they timed her with a sundial!

**Ikuto: **_'Everything rides on this joke!'_ Yo mama is so old she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch!

The judges stood up. "Congratulations Ikuto! You are now free! Should I call a cab?" They asked.

"nah. I'll walk." He ran out of the office but went back and said. "Oh! Yo mama is so poor I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, its 4th tree on your right..."

With that Ikuto ran towards Amu's house. Behind him he could hear his step father's cursing.

"Hehe sucker!" He said.

Zakuro: I've made up my mind!

Amu: about what?

Zakuro: This story thing will be like little stories in each chapter! Each will be a 1 vs. 1 Yo mama fight!

Ikuto: Why the sudden change in attitude?

Zakuro: I found a site with Yo Mama jokes!

R&R! THANKS TO sylvanicara FOR THE LINK AND THANKS TO ALL WHO R&R!

PS: THANKS TO YUKI THE ANONYMOUS REVIEWER ILL USE THOSE JOKES IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!


	4. Rima vs Tadase!

Zakuro: Okay this round is *Insert drum roll*  
Ikuto: It's…dear god! No one tell a bad joke or you're dead!

Amu: Who is it…! Rima!?

Zakuro: I feel bad for who ever has to go against her!

Ikuto: It's…Rima vs. Tadase!

Zakuro: All right good luck to both and may the funniest win!

I OWN NOTHING! NOT SHUGO CHARA OR THESE JOKES!

Rima: Of course you don't jokes are for every one to enjoy!

Zakuro: Says the one that kills those who don't tell a joke correctly!

"No way! I called it!" Tadase screamed.

"Yeah but I saw it first!" Rima screamed back  
Nagihiko walked into the storage room for the guardians. "Guys what's with the screaming?"

Rima and Tadase turned to Nagihiko with murderous looks in their eyes.

'_Crap! What have I gotten my self into?'_ Nagihiko thought.  
Tadase and Rima ran towards Nagihiko and stopped a few centimeters away from him.

"NAGIHIKO! HE'LL SETTLE THIS!" they screamed.

"S-settle what?" He asked scared to death what would happen if he picked wrong.

"Who get's to have this!" They said while holding the object.

Nagihiko sweat dropped. "Th-That's it? Is this a joke?" he said somewhat relieved.

Tadase and Rima glared at Nagihiko. "NO! Now who gets this?" They screamed.

Nagihiko thought over his options. _'Okay I could Rima and face Tadase's chara changed wrath. 2. Pick Tadase and face Rima's wrath or 3. Run away!'_ Nagihiko thought.

"Uhhh…I think I hear my mom…all the way in…America! Gotta go! Bye!" He shouted as he ran out of the storage room.

The two just stared at where he used to be standing with a 'WTF' look on their faces. Then out of nowhere a text box appeared where Nagihiko was standing that read 'Got away safely!'(1). They continued to stare until they remembered why they were talking to Nagihiko in the first place they continued to glare at each other.

"Only one way to settle this…" Rima said.

"I understand." Tadase said in a calm voice before they shouted "Yo mama fight!"

The whole school was gathered in the auditorium. The boys were on the left where Rima was standing, while the girls were on the right were Tadase was standing.

"Okay! The judges are: former Jacks chair Sohma Kukai, Jokers chair Hinamori Amu, and current Jacks chair Nagihiko." Tadase announced.

'_Damn it! My Nintendo Ds was on red so I had to return so I could recharge it! I was about to catch em' all too!'_ Nagihiko thought (Guess what game he's playing!)

"Rima starts first!" Amu said.

"Thank you." She responded.

**Rima: **Yo mama is so stupid she threw a blanket over the ocean and called it a water bed!

**Tadase: **Yo mama is so fat that when she lays around the house she LAYS AROUND THE HOUSE

**Rima: **Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongous, and "OH  
MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!"

**Tadase: **Yo mama so fat her logo is "we are family, burger king, mc Donald's and  
me..."

**Rima:** Yo mama is so old someone told her to act her age and she died

**Tadase:** yo mama's breath is so whack, she needs not tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack  
I don't mean to be mean, but yo mama needs Listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle.

**Rima:** Yo mama so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speechless

**Tadase:** Yo mama is fat that she had to go to Sea World just to get baptized

**Rima: **Yo mama is so stupid she put lip-stick on her head so she could make-up her mind

**Tadase: **Yo mama is so stupid she tried to alphabetize M&M's

**Rima:** Yo Momma so damn fat the Police where going to use her as an emergency air mattress when Michael Jackson started dangling his baby.

**Tadase:** Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911?"

**Rima:** Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

**Tadase:** Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

**Rima: **Yo mama is so stupid she took a knife to a drive by

**Tadase:** Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

**Rima:** Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they  
hit the ground

Just then Tsukasa walked in. "What is this!?" He asked. "Tadase did you forget that today parents were coming over." He said while pointing to the group of adults behind him. "Sorry! I forgot. I'll end this immediately!" Tadase said. Tsukasa grabbed a bag of popcorn and a soda and got settled in the empty seats in the back as did the other parents. "No. Actually go on. I'm bored anyway. These other parents probably are too. Continue." He said

The students sweat dropped.

**Tadase:** Yo mama is so damn fat when her beeper goes off people turn around to see if she is backing up!!

**Rima:** Yo mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

**Tadase:** Yo mama so old that in the back seat of your car, kids don't say 'Are we there yet', they scream, 'is she Dead yet!'

**Rima:** Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

**Tadase:** Yo mama so old she's got Adam and Eve's autograph

**Rima: **Yo mama is so stupid she I caught her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side

**Tadase:** Yo mama is so stupid she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

Then they noticed something. "KUKAI! WHAT ARE YOU EATING!?" they shouted.

"Hmm? It's a Klondike bar. I found it in the storage room." He said calmly.

"Kukai…" They said with venom in their voices.

"You're kidding me!? This was all for a Klondike bar!?" Amu shouted.

"Of course Amu! What would you do for a Klondike bar!?" Rima yelled.

Amu thought about it. "Touché."

"Alright since there is no reason to continue this fight it's a tie. Students are dismissed!" Tadase shouted.

"Actually score wise Rima won." Nagihiko stated.

Tadase glared at Nagihiko. "It's a tie."

Zakuro: Done!

SPECIAL THANKS TO: yuki for the jokes!

Zakuro: The songs of this chapter are:  
Okuru Kotoba by Flow  
and  
Blaster by Flow!

Ikuto: Hey I would jump off the empire state building for a Klondike bar!

Zakuro: Me too! It's spring and at night time yesterday it was freaking HOT!

R&R PLEASE VOTE ON MY POLL

Amu: AT LEAST 3 REVIEWS FOR AN UPDATE

Zakuro: Actually I don't like demanding my readers for reviews...

Amu: *glares* 3 REVIEWS!

Zakuro: YES MAM!


	5. Utau vs Kukai!

Shiki: New chapter! Sorry! I'm so sorry I took forever to update! Don't kill me! *takes out sword* because we wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you...

Amu: o_O say thanks to the reviewers first!

Shiki: Sorry my stomach hurts and its killing me and put me in a bad mood...

Ikuto: she's always angry...

Shiki: Hold me back before I kill him...*picks up metal pole*

Amu: Apologize dumbass!

Ikuto: ....

Shiki: do I have to kill a )**(^&%^%!

Ikuto: ...is that even a word?

Shiki: How in the seven seas hell am I supposed to know?

DISCLAIMER: _I own nothing! Stupid radians that think I do...would the creator be writing fics? No okay!?_

_

* * *

_

It had been a week or two since the ramen challenge between Kukai and Utau.

Utau still held a grudge. That's right people she lost.

"You!" She pointed an accusing finger at Kukai.

"Me? What?" He said somewhat scared she'd try kill everyone on the basketball court.

One of Kukai's friends pat him on the back and said "Is this your girlfriend?"

"No she's someone who's gonna try and kill me and embarrass me in public for my stupidity."

the guy thought it over and said "So she's you wife?"

Utau cleared her throat and said "Anyway! I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!"

Kukai went blank and thought _'If she chara nari's she'll try to kill me I can tell...'_

_'The second I chara nari he's gonna die...' _Utau thought.

"H-how about something safer...for the bystanders! Yeah...we wouldn't want them to get hurt!" Kukai said.

"What do you have in mind?" Utau said while sharpening her trident.

"H-how a-about something that won't involve murder and a body in a lake.." He said wondering if he should run for the border of Mexico or Canada.

"L-like h-how about how Rima and Tadase settled their argument." Kukai said while slowly back away.

"...Fine. But If I win then you have to admit I won the ramen fight and this one."

"Okay but I'll win anyways."

"Get our judges here."

--------------2 hours later------------

Amu, Nagihiko, and Kairi finally arrived.

"What took so damn long!?" Kukai asked.

"Sorry there was the whole issue with traffic and the thing with the bear..." Amu said but stopped when she realized Utau was glaring.

"L-lets just get started sh-shall we." Kairi said.

Nagihiko was hitting his forehead against a nearby wall thinking _''Why me? I was about to beat Lavos...IT WAS A 1 HOUR BATTLE!' _(Me: I feel your pain...)

"Lets just get started alright?" Kukai said.

**Kukai: **Yo mama's so fat, she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as

big.

**Utau: **Yo mama's so fat, that when she runs, it's like a TV in slow motion.

**Kukai: **Yo mama's so big, that they had to change "One size fits all" to "One

size fits most"

**Utau: **Yo' mama's so fat, she wears two watches -- one for each time zone!

**Kukai: **Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was

backing up

**Utau: **Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

**Kukai: **Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for

then new world

**Utau: **Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has

to give directions!

The judges were writing the points when they realized "Hey, why didn't you just have another ramen fight?"

Kukai and Utau looked at them then at each other and said "....Your mom!"

The judges sweatdropped and thought _'They didn't think of that did they?'_

**Kukai: **Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing

store is the dressing rooms.

**Utau: **Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "Picture continued on

other side."

**Kukai: **Yo mamma so fat she has stretch marks on her toes!

**Utau: **Yo mamma's so fat her feet never get wet when she takes a shower!

**Kukai: **Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that

rock?"

**Utau: **Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

**Kukai: **Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her

waist they spelled out boulevard.

**Utau: **Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have

to install speed bumps

**Kukai: **Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

**Utau: **Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people-

"OBJECTION!"

Everyone gave her a weird a look.

"Objection? That's not a good joke." Kukai said.

Utau looked around. "That wasn't me. Well back to the joke. Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people-"

She was cut off once again someone shouting "HOLD IT!"

That's when a customer that was there the day of their challenge appeared and said "You do know that the boy cheated right?"

Utau stopped telling her joke and said "What?"

The customer nodded and said "Yeah I saw him put something in your ramen."

The guy walked away and Utau thought it over _'Yeah my stomach started hurting after I left my ramen because of a call I got...'_

Realization hit her like a speeding car and she turned to Kukai and said "Are you ready to die?" with so much venom in her voice Kukai was sure she was going to hurt him bad.

_'Oh crap, oh crap, oh shi-'_ he was snapped out of thought because he had to dodge the trident swung in his direction.

"Wait! We can talk! Can't we all just get along?"

Utau swung again.

Kukai ran so fast you'd think his wife just found out her wedding ring wasn't real diamond.

the judges stared until Nagihiko said "Okay...so there's a circus in town...lets go!"

* * *

Shiki: Phoenix Wright references for the win!

Amu: Feeling better?

Shiki: Yes! Please R&R! Sorry if I reused any jokes its hard to keep track!

Ikuto: If you have any jokes you want to share go ahead.

Shiki: You don't have to though!

PLEASE R&R!


End file.
